Tags

, , , , , , ,

Today I woke up with a lot of built up energy, as well as my sexual images in the mind from past experiences – the two points are connected.

In reading Creation’s Journey to Life I have come to understand how over time energy builds up through thinking, which then requires release through sex – yet at the same time the point is not to keep going through this cycle of building up energy and releasing it but to also stop the constructs within my mind that create the friction in my mind/life from which the energy is produced. Through over the course of about 5 days the energy has now built up within me and I notice that it is only when this happens (as it does regularly if I do not have sex or masturbate) that sexual images and thoughts arise in the mind – so I sometimes take for granted how many sexual images I have imprinted in my mind as they only tend to start coming out when the energy is built up and I need a release.

How do I release myself from the grip of these images that haunt me in my mind? How do I stop this mental addiction?

Firstly, I stop my participation within them, no matter how tempting it is – because I must begin to recognize that I have only made an association with them to sex in my mind – but that is not reality. The reason it is so tempting is because I have associated the images with sex/release so extensively that I fear: no images, no sex and therefore – no release – becoming completely dependent on these images as a pornographic mind to be able to enjoy the release of sex!

Sex is after all a physical act, so it doesn’t make sense to allow a physical act to be controlled by mental images, I mean it doesn’t make sense to allow any aspect of my life to be controlled by mental images. I had written in some recent blogs about how I noticed during my last sexual interaction that these images started to come up, and realizing how dependent I had become on them to be able to have sex. This is even more than dependency, it is a form of enslavement – I have been enslaved to this way of being dependent on mental images to move myself (or rather to be moved) for as long as I can remember and the pain of not being able to attain/experience these images that are in my mind, sucks! It is like being addicted to drugs where I am in this constant cycle of seeking out the experience of attaining these images and then going through withdrawal and yearning when I cannot attain/experience them. I must realize the real value of these images as they are not to be linked to real sexual interaction – that is just the association I have made – the real value of them is thus nothing more than dependency, limitation, delusion and enslavement.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create an association between mental sexual images and the physical experience of having sex and releasing energy, believing that I am dependent on these images – which contain within them a positive energetically charged experience wherein I experience myself as more than as being dominant and having power – to be able to enjoy myself sexually and express myself sexually and have a sexual interaction/release

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give up these sexual mental images and to fear breathing through them as they arise due to the association I have made between them and sex, and the dependency that I have created on them to have sex, believing that I require them to have a sexual interaction and thus fearing that if I give them up, I will not be able to experience sex

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to believe that giving up the idea of sex as mentally imprinted pictures from past experiences, is the same as giving up the act of sex itself – when I am in fact only giving up the past and that the opposite is true: by not giving up the past, I am giving up the ability to actually have sex here in the present reality as I am still stuck in illusions of the past as mental images – thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist breathing through these images as they arise

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the real value of the sexual images that exist in the mind is that of self deception, self sabotage, limitation, dependency and enslavement and thus the value of letting go of such images unconditionally to for the first time set myself free from the mind control of sexual images

I commit myself to practice living and breathing through these sexual images arising within me – I commit myself to practice breathing through these images arising as I have sex and masturbate

I commit myself to stop the fear of giving up these images

I commit myself to give up the idea that if I do not participate in sex based on these images/this energy, that I am missing out on ‘something more’

I commit myself to see what is possible and what sex can really be through dedicating myself to giving up these images and this energy attached to these images

I commit myself to stop acting based on the desire to experience/attain these images

For more information about how you can utilize the tool of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, join, DIP Lite – the FREE online course. For more support on Porn Addiction, visit the Desteni Forum.

Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.

Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.