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Although I have not used much visual or written pornography throughout my life, I have used images in my mind as pornography.  I understand that everything is connected on this  physical planet and, as one part of the whole, I am responsible to stop this behavior as what is best for all.

I have had success transcending much of this already, through my DIP (Desteni I Process Pro) course and Desteni participation: chats, blogging, eqafe interviews and then applying what I have learned in my daily life, but not completely.  Therefore, I will write it out until it is clear, no longer existent within and as me -so I do not require to use-or accept and allow myself to use- mental images (pornography in my mind) when having sex at all.

I found it much easier/quicker to stop using my mind when having sex with my partner than during masturbation. That is the point I still need to transcend.  I will explore my relationship to mind porn within sex with another/my partner first.

So, how did I go from needing to use mental pictures in my mind-of other people- when having sex with my partner (and past partners) to using no imaginings and enjoying sex much more?

I had been participating within Desteni already for about a year and a half so had been applying the tool of breath, to remain out of my mind of thoughts/feelings/emotions, quite extensively although far from completely.  We were discussing the sex point, within online group chats, and several Eqafe interviews had been made so I listened to those as well. I educated myself more on the point of how porn (whether it is physical or mental) influences and changes ones relationship to ones self and others, especially ones intimate relationship with a life/sexual  partner.

This had been somewhat of an issue for me throughout my life, as I did enjoy sex but -unless I used my mind of imaginings- it was not fulfilling.  I wondered what was wrong with me and felt insecure about myself sexually. This led to insecurities/suspicion/jealousy/competitiveness toward other women, whatever partner I was with.  As well, if one person is not ‘into it’ that much, the other person can ‘tell/feel’ this and it is not as enjoyable for either.  We feed off of each other within the sexual energy as it is created, back and forth, and it builds, as it should.

So, even if I would try to not think about someone else, at various points during sex, I would inevitably cave/give in thinking this would make the experience/encounter better for me and my partner.  However,  thinking about other people when you are with someone is hardly going to build intimacy!  Let ‘s face it , it is like faking it or almost like being alone with yourself.  It is isolating. Interestingly, I went out with a man who enjoyed talking about his fantasies during sex and I ended up feeling like, ‘well doesn’t he want to just be with me/how come he can’t just be with me and look at me/look me in the eye?’.  But I was doing the same thing–just not outloud!

For me, the addiction to mental porn was learned over time and I programmed it into and as me. Thus, it became a habit/normal to me.  So, I reasoned, it can be un-learned!  

I knew this to be true because of other addictions I had overcome, mainly my addiction to alcohol. I have written several blogs, please investigate the timeline of this website, in which I have explored and applied self-forgiveness and a self-corrective application to various aspects of my alcoholism.

PRACTICAL STEPS:   Of course, all I describe here is a process and I am still very much in this process so not to suggest I do this perfectly.

*When I met my partner about 8 years ago, I admitted to myself my past sexual relationships were not that fulfilling and I now wanted to be ‘present/here’ with a sexual partner and not lost in my mind, thinking about sex with someone else lol.

*First:  I made a clear decision not to participate within emotions of guilt and self-blame, punishing myself over and over again, for the past, as it is over and I cannot go back. But I can change myself here, as I had proven to myself with giving up the use of alcohol.

*I applied self-forgiveness outloud whenever a memory would arise of how I used my imagination/fantasies in the past.  NOTE:  It is suggested/highly recommended to firstly write out self-forgiveness so you can ‘see yourself on paper’.  That is what this blog series is for, I will be writing out all my self-forgiveness (not in detail, in a general way).  So I stopped in the moment participating in thought-mind patterns about mind porn.

*Made a clear decision (each time I do this) just before having sex to use breath awareness-stay present/ here- with breath focusing on the physical and my partner while having sex.  If I see my mind moving, I immediately bring myself back to the physical. My partner even says he notices me breathing /using breath, ‘really deep breathing’ as he puts it.

*It did not take long–and became very easy quickly–as I noticed almost immediately how much better sex was/much more responsive my body was!

*If I am not physically responsive (now and then this occurs ie. once every 2-3 month) I remind myself to not ‘beat myself up’/criticize myself about it.  I do sometimes look at ‘why’ or discuss it with my partner. Sometimes it has been hormone related, other times a family concern-mental reason.  Then I am sure to let it go, if I cannot let it go, I would write it out.

To continue…

Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.

Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.

Investigate:

Desteni Forum for support:

http://forum.desteni.org./

Free interviews:

What is Sex:

https://eqafe.com/p/what-is-sex-overview

https://eqafe.com/p/what-is-sex-introduction

https://eqafe.com/p/what-is-sex-part-seven

https://eqafe.com/p/what-is-sex-part-eight

https://eqafe.com/p/what-is-sex-part-9

Shocking Secrets of Masturbation:

https://eqafe.com/series/7-shocking-secrets-of-masturbation

The Metaphysical Sectrets of Imagination:

https://eqafe.com/p/the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-introduction

https://eqafe.com/p/the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-self-image-and-imagination-part-1

https://eqafe.com/p/the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-self-image-and-imagination-practical-support-part-2

https://eqafe.com/p/the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-comparing-images-and-imagination-part-3

https://eqafe.com/p/the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-comparing-images-and-imagination-practical-support-part-4

The Soul of Money:

https://eqafe.com/p/the-infinity-secret-consciousness-as-the-light-and-the-dark

https://eqafe.com/p/the-heart-of-love

https://eqafe.com/p/the-inequality-of-resource-distribution-within-all-bodies-of-existence

https://eqafe.com/p/divide-and-conquer-the-majority-enslaved-by-the-minority

https://eqafe.com/p/the-interconnection-between-thoughts-energy-and-light

Parenting: Perfecting the Human Race:

https://eqafe.com/p/parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-1

https://eqafe.com/p/parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-2

https://eqafe.com/p/parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-3

https://eqafe.com/p/parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-4

https://eqafe.com/p/parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-5