I forgive myself that I’ve not ever accepted or allowed myself to actually question that which I’ve accepted as a ‘normal/healthy’ and a ‘perverted/unhealthy’ sexuality or what is behind and the reason for how I’ve developed my particular sexuality
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself and that which I’ve developed my sexuality into and as through self-judgment and as such that I’ve enslaved myself to this particular expression and thereby accepted it as my only expression in and as sexuality which I did not question because I was afraid of my own self-judgment and that which I believed that my sexuality said about me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to cover up and hide and keep secret my sexuality and within and as this have believed that I simply had to contain/suppress and eradicate myself as that which I’ve defined as my sexuality/sexual expression as based on desires/fantasies of porn and movies in particular of dominance and submission as well as sex that is tabooed
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist writing or speaking or expressing anything about how I’ve fantasied about things I judge as ‘Dirty’, ‘Nasty’ and ‘Perverted”Dirty’, ‘Nasty’ and ‘Perverted’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be scared of myself and ashamed of myself because of the fantasies that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am inherently evil and do not belong in this world because of the sexual fantasies that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in and as and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame myself and judge myself as being responsible for real life abuse because of my accepted and allowed participation in fantasies about abuse
I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted or allowed myself to question that which I’ve accepted as my sexuality or sexual expression as to whether this is actually my sexual expression or my only sexual expression and I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to do that because I’ve allowed myself to fear this sexual expression and judge it and that’s how I’ve kept myself enslaved to it and not seen, realized or understood how this is a particular expression that I decided to immerse myself within and I that accumulated and ‘nurtured’ through years of participation in fantasies as well as deliberately seeking out people who had a similar sexual expression/inclination
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to completely and entirely suppress and subdue any expression within and as myself of gentleness and vulnerability in relation to sex based on a belief and an idea that there wasn’t room for such expression when it came to sex – as an excuse for the fact that I wanted to use sex to escape from myself
Self-Commitment and Correction
When and as I see that I’m accepting and allowing myself to experience and participate in fear, judgment and shame towards that which I’ve perceived as my sexual expression/inclination, I stop and I breathe and I remind myself that this is not my actual sexual expression but a sexual expression/inclination that I’ve programmed myself into and as and that I am going into a moral judgment that isn’t actually real or applicable because as I’ve seen, realized and understood, that what happens when I judge myself is that I suppress and contain myself but that doesn’t make anything go away but instead I push a part of myself back into the shadows instead of actually directing myself and taking self-responsibility. I commit myself to explore and investigate who and what I am within and as sexuality/sexual expression – not as anything that is particularly based on any certain expression or images – but on me expressing myself here with and within my human physical body with myself and/or with another. As such I also commit myself to stop defining myself as having any particular sexual ‘inclinations’ because I see, realize and understand that I’ve limited and restricted my sexuality/sexual expression to only one certain format while suppressing everything else I might have expressed. And I commit myself to stop accepting my sexuality as a mental and energetic expression and I also commit myself to stop judging my sexuality and sexual expression as bad and wrong because I see, realize and understand that that which I’ve perceived and accepted as my sexuality/sexual expression was something I’d programmed into and as myself from within and as my mind, for the purposes of generating energy for the mind and enslaving myself. So I commit myself to discover and explore who and what I am as a sexual expression and as sexuality through and within my sexuality on a clean slate.
Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.
Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.
For more information about how you can utilize the tool of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, join, DIP Lite – the FREE online course. For more support on Porn Addiction, visit the Desteni Forum.
- The Solutions and Rewards to Stopping Porn Addiction: DAY 12 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
- Releasing the Shame of My Porn Addiction: DAY 6 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
- My experience on Porn and Prostitution Pt. 2 – (Self Forgiveness applied) – DAY 7 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
- Day 199: How fear of loss has compromised my relationships (adriansjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
- Letting Go of Sexual Images in the Mind: DAY 8 (pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
- Day 62: Touch and Natural Physical Expression (viktorpersson.com)
- Day 400 – My story with Porn, ‘Blue Movies’, etc. (yogisjourneytolife.wordpress.com)
- Day 203: Releasing myself from sexual images in the mind (adriansjourneytolife.wordpress.com)