In the past few posts I’ve been writing about the desire for energy and within the desire for energy comes the specific example of sex and masturbation wherein as the mind starts to get sex on the mind the desire for the energy from within/as sex or masturbation to/as the images of sex existent within the mind becomes very enticing for myself and I start to want the energy within sex or masturbation to porn to the extent that I allow myself to give into the desire for energy even though the images and ideas within the mind are not valid or real when put into context within the physical reality and/or physical intimacy with myself or another.
Within this post I will be writing about staring at women on the street or in public and the objectification of women and the images that pass within/through/as the mind as the sight of a female image enters the mind and how through allowing myself to participate in the objectification of women for/as sex and as sexual images I allow myself to build up that energy that, soon enough, becomes overwhelming and I allow myself to become possessed by the energy and want/desire for sex and/or masturbation to the female objectification existent within porn
Starting at the main point. When/as I am in the car or out in public – walking along a street or at a mall or at a coffee shop etc, if I see a female whom I define as physically attractive I will look and stare at the body parts of the girl and from that quickly create images of what the body looks like based on the definitions that I have created within the mind of what is sexually attractive. This happens quite often. I mean I can be driving and not really be paying attention to much else other than driving and in the peripheral vision catch a glimpse of a female and then quickly turn my head and look and create the images, create the fantasies and create the energy via the images and fantasies.
Throughout my process I’ve applied stopping to this point time and time again to which I have allowed myself to give into the fantasizing and having the images be quite clear within the mind to create the energy. Within this I’ve wanted the point of looking at women to just simply disappear and within wanting it to disappear I become frustrated and angry with myself that I am continuing to stare, fantasize, imagine what a girl would look like, and what having sex with said girl would be like. I see that this is not going to happen, meaning that looking at women is just not going to disappear from me without effort on my part. What I’ve failed to realize in the past within this point, is that as I stare and as I look and as the images come up, any moment in which I allow the energy, the desire, the want, the lust, for a girl to reside within me without correction is where/how I’ve been allowing myself to fall and simply not correct myself. In this, now, I see that since it is not going to disappear so `easily` that each time that it comes up, the key is to breathe, separate myself from the images, separate myself from the thought, give myself back direction of my eyes, of my head and of my neck…of myself and direct myself within/as breath and allow the image and fantasy and desire and lust to simply fade as energy always does when it is not given attention and when I decide within myself to really apply correction to myself within directing myself to turn away, breathe, focus back on myself, and direct myself within the one moment.
After time of applying this I see that even if the images and pictures remain…which they most likely will because this world is wrought with objectification and sexualization of women, it is who I am within the point, who I am within the direction of myself, who I am within the decision to either allow myself to continue to stare, or to stop, breathe, and direct myself to stop staring, stop fantasizing, and stop allowing myself to be subject to the desire for sex, stop allowing myself to be a slave to the desire for sex, desire for the energy within/from/as sex and the fantasies and creations of the desire for sex within the mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated and angry at myself when/as I stare at a women in public wherein images and fantasies come roaring up within the mind and I see/experience the energy in that one moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated and angry because I want the desire and lust to disappear and be `free` from that which I am correcting within myself, not seeing/realizing or understanding that this point has built up since I was a young teen and started looking at porn and thus is going to take time and correction and application over time to correct this point within myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that the frustration isn’t necessary if I in fact commit myself to walk through the desire and lust and energy and images and fantasies as they arise, wherein each time they do arise, I am here with myself seeing myself within the lust/desire/energy and directing myself within the point, and that in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply remain constant and consistent within this point and committed to myself in correcting this point within myself each time that it arises within the mind – directing myself each time, each moment, when I allow myself to distract myself with images of sex, fantasies of sex, and desire/lust/energy
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the want for the desire/lust/energy/fantasies to disappear is because I do not want to have to `deal` with this all the time, do not want to be affected by the desire, in which I am stating within myself that I do not want to be responsible for myself in all moments that this arises within the mind and within the physical reality stimulated from/as the pictures/images that are here. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest with myself with this point wherein I have not wanted to direct myself within it because I have, in fact, wanted to keep the desire/lust/energy around, and I have wanted it to disappear because I have not wanted to be responsible for myself in every single moment that it arises.
Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.
Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.