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Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.

Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.

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I have been a porn addict for quite some time. I have also been a recovering porn addict and starting to change from it. For many years and hours I would spend online surfing for porn, until I was given sort of a kick behind and told to get a grip. Then I quit the porn as such. I quit the porn and I would start to take control of me masturbating. Taking control of me masturbating meaning to NOT drag in lots of imaginations/fantasy/pictures to my mind when I jerk of. This have been a challenging process that I am still walking. To manage this clarity and mind control while masturbating have been a great challenge to me. This would mean that I would not like or need either porn or thoughts/ideas of sex when masturbating. The thinking about sex or imagining sex, had them become such a burden that I was not clear within. I would judge myself and hide from self within thoughts/ideas/imaginations of sex. This thinking or imagination would present itself when masturbating, and then after, I would feel shame. Just like hiding porn from self/others in secret/mind. Like keeping a porn magazine under ones bed or in ones closet in secret. So this is one more chapter in my process of recover my sexual expression – from my porn addiction.

I was recently made aware of this old pattern within myself. It is a returning body pain, a point within myself of hiding , judging and feeling shame within a mind fuck of desires and thoughts/pictures about sex.
I experience fear of my own expression, suppression of the things that arouse me and conflict in relation to exposing these patterns and desires and ending up believing that I must judge my imagination about sex.
I experience fear, suppression and conflict in relations to desires and imagination about sex.
I feel shame about sexual imaginations.
I feel judgment to pictures about sex.
I think I must believe that I should be shameful for thinking about sex.
I can see a picture, that I relate to sex, then hide it within my mind, and then keep it there to jerk of to, and meanwhile, be two faced and , hide behind suppression/shame/feel bad. Cheating on self.

One more time.
I can look at pictures of sex/imagination/arousal and stack these pictures in a certain place that is my secret mind. I would use these pictures to arouse myself and to bring myself to masturbation, I would feel bad and judge myself after the masturbation, and judge myself as wrong and sinful/bad after watching the picture and making myself into a victim of my own arousal.

Whenever I would feel arousal of a picture, I would hide that picture and keep it secret. There is a certain movement within from the keeping/stacking away my picture and then going into shame/denial, and later going back at it and use it to masturbate – and to return after the masturbation to shame/suppression/denial.

One more time. (I really need to understand the mind yoga of this)

I would look at pictures/thoughts through my day of things around me in my life. Sometimes there are pictures/imaginations/thoughts that make me arouse/horny. I would then stack this picture away in my mind. Keep it locked away like a secret. Then later I would feel bad/shame and wrong – from having looked at this picture and having looked at my own inner reality – deny this – hide behind shame and suppress this experience / picture in my mind. A really big mind fuck indeed.

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself and my thinking, to later deny and suppress what was going on within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame and regret for looking at pictures and videos of girls and to think of sex within so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself to look into my own porn addiction and to see what depth that is/was by tempting myself with ideas and mannerism of my porn addiction that I would say is no longer here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate desires.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate porn.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide sex/porn images in my mind in secret, to keep it there to fantasize about, when then later, judging the pictures and judging myself within it, feeling shame and conflict about the images, that I would deceive myself with for masturbation and other vice hide and feel shame about thoughts/ideas of sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for solution to my issues and drag myself into subconscious and also into pictures that is sex related, and to expose myself to sex/imagination and to lose myself in my porn addiction and then later deny it fooling myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lost, scared and in fear from having this judgment/suppression/shame of sex and imagination, that I would sort of seek my family (sub conscious) and try to feel loved/valued/pittyed there, simply dragging my data/sex/imagination/judgment with me into those relations – polluting myself and my world further, making my darkness greater and more prominent .
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag my ideas/pictures about sex into sub conscious/family relations and to make my problems larger and more complicated with the merging thoughts of incest and such taboo thoughts and ideas.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am corrupting myself by exposing sex/imagination to my sub conscious mind and to think that I am poisoning my family by doing so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should feel shame and suppression from this sex/imagination that I would simply think needs to be judged/feared/suppressed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my imagination and porn pictures are so bad and evil that I need to bring myself down within from seeing this within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a secret chamber/spot in my mind to keep sexualized/dirty pictures to jerk of two and to masturbate to, while seconds later going into judgment and shame about the same pictures – a clear trick of my own self/mind fuck.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my pictures of sex/imagination are of underage people and that is just so very, very bad and criminal for me to fantasize about and to think about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of keeping things open/free in the air, without suppression, here, naked/exposed, I would go inwards and fear my own expression, suppress/deny the images and create a conflict within from the fantasy/imagination/sex, bringing me to my knees and believing that judgment is the only thing “right” for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go loops on myself on bringing myself down and judging and criticizing and bringing my own arousal down and out – judging myself into oblivion/angst.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurt myself with angst and punishment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel aroused in one second, to take that picture and stack it within mind, and then in the next “movement” I move away from the picture/imagination and judge myself and feel bad within from having been aroused by a picture/imagination at first.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself to the extent that I feel scared of consequences/angst.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t look at sex/porn pictures without going into suppression/denial/shame.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that sex/porn is equal to shame.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I must judge the things that make me horny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and avoid things that make me horny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that being horny is a sickness instead of enjoying it and taking charge of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of judging and feeling shame from sex & imagination I should take charge of it and enjoy it to myself without the separation of imagination/pictures/energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my shame and suppression of sex and desires are so hardwired they can’t be cured.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that thoughts about sex and imaginations such is bad and worthy of judgment from how I used to live like a sex addict, and also drink lots and do drugs, where I would relate the activity of drinking and smoking – to the activity of desires and thinking of sex/porn – making them both evil within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can’t possible live with ideas or thoughts about sex without bias/judgment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather stick to judgment from old habit, making it a believe within me, that I must be judged – it is normal/routine – rather than to take it on, to “own” the attraction and to “own” the situation in consideration/common sense.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should feel shame from thoughts about sex, that is how it is, instead of allowing me to be aroused, to smile and joke about it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the quick shame/fear/judgment/denial instead of taking it with a smile/deep breath and to be with it, for what is best for all to evolve and expand within it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself to think and consider sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather than to make sex into a drawing or a project or any kind I make sex into a bother and a pro – blame.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather than recognizing myself as a “studd” “a handsome being” and romantic being I soon tear all this down and step on it/make trash of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather that recognizing myself to appreciate myself and my sexual expression, I go into shame and blame/bias and judgment.

Self corrections:
When and as I see that I am having a certain picture or imagination in my mind/head of sexual character or I am being aroused by a picture, I stop myself, I breathe , and I level with what is here. I realize that through this life I might get lots of arousals and sex related ideas/thoughts and imaginations. I realize that such a idea/imagination is not bad or evil or dangerous. It just is.
I commit myself to handle these attractions for what they are. Simply attractions and desires.
I commit myself to deal with these words within consideration for what is best for all.
I commit myself to be honest with self and to not escape/addict to imagination/porn – but rather see it for what it is and figure out my expression, in what is best for all.

When and as I see myself going into that movement/thought of judging/suppression/fear of my own expression/imagination/sex, I stop myself, I breathe and level with what is here. I realize that I want things to be open, free, here, (nude), and not hidden/suppressed/denied/scared/angst. I realize that I am the one that must take charge of this mind games. I realize that I must stand up for a natural and sane expression.
I commit myself to be free, here, natural, and open, sharing my expression.
I commit myself to not hide myself in shame.
I commit myself to be more natural, like breathe/water.
I commit myself to not fear to be aroused/horny.

When and as I see myself dragging this shame/suppression/fear into my sub conscious, I stop myself, I breathe, and I level with what is here. I realize that I don’t want to poison my family/sub consciousness with my imagination/thoughts. I realize that I must self stand up from my own suppressions. I realize that I must come free, from my suppression/fear. I realize that I fear my family to know about my thoughts, and my sexual desires – in fear of being victimized/characterized as sick/pervert.
I commit myself to deal with my sexual desires and ideas/thoughts/imaginations inn openness and considerate manner.
I commit myself to be free from judgment of my mind and my thoughts about sex.
I need to recognize myself to appreciate who I am, during my day, I need to hug myself and to smile and “like” myself. I need to see myself my living and my way of expressing and experiencing: life. I need to say to myself that thoughts about sex, is just that nothing more or less. It is OK. I need to be frank and smiling about sex, and to like and appreciate my sexual expression. I need to dig me. I need to love me. I need affirmation about being myself. I need to dance and express with colour. I need me, to be me.

Thanks for reading !

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