Since I have participated in porn for quite a while in my life; sexual attraction has definitely become warped. The images and ideas of what is sexual promoted through porn have become what I have wired the brain and mind to define as `attractive` , and these ideas and images are not real whatsoever, they are idealized and absolute illusory ideas of sexual attraction and/or images of body. Like if you take for example the various subreddits of porn on reddit and how each subreddit is geared towards a specific fantasy or idealized version of a form of sexual attraction it is easy to see, through those examples, how warped the idea of sexual attraction has become through porn. The idea of sexual attraction or the sexual stimulation is only based on images, based on the thoughts that those images start to represent and are only ever an illusion that one participates within ones mind, it is not real whatsoever; it may be believed to be real but when it comes down to the actual practical participation in sex the images are not able to stand equal with the physical because one is not having sex with the idea or image, one is having sex with another individual. This is where the fuckup can exist because when one is initiating sex with another individual and is participating in the images and ideas of what turns oneself on then one is getting off only on the ideas that one is participating in and not, in fact, participating equally with the other in/as the act of sex.
This doesn’t only exist within porn and the images that porn represents but it also exists within media and thoughts. So like when you think for example “That person has a nice ass” or “That person has a nice body” those thoughts as well are participating in an illusion of sexual attraction because when those thoughts come up the image of the other person is being sexualized through the images and ideas persistent within the mind at that moment and then if one creates sexual attraction through those images and thoughts then one is not paying attention to the physical body in/as the life that it is in/as sexual attraction through the physical. At that moment one is allowing oneself to participate in the illusion that the mind is presenting in that one moment that suggests is sexually attractive and one is believing that sexual attraction to be real in that moment; instead of paying attention to the physical body and the messages that it is sending.
For myself I have slowly started to see/realize/understand that what I am participating in when I am valuing the image and idealization of the body parts in which I have accepted as sexual attraction have been an illusion. I have slowly started to see/realize that the thoughts that I have in regards to sexual attraction are as well only an illusion because as I see the thought and see the imagery within/as the thought and take note of the thought I see that the image and representation of sexuality that the thought is presenting is not here in the physical reality; it is within the mind being presented as real through media influence and porn influence when in fact it is not reality based here in the physical. So when that starts to happen, as of recently, I can start to control what I will accept and allow to be influenced by, so like if a thought comes up I can stop in a moment, assess that thought, and decide whether or not to be influenced/affected by the thought
The thoughts and imagery being an illusion isn’t the only point within porn and the idea of sexual attraction. Through allowing the illusion to take precedence over the physical body and it’s natural expression of sexual need we start to lose contact with the body and how it physically operates within/as sex. We start to require and need imaginary stimulation in order to participate in the physical act of sex, making it less than it is able to be and limiting self expression within sex because we are aiming for the ideas instead of participating here in the physical in the limitless amount of ways that one is able to express oneself during/within/as sex
I’m sure most men won’t want to hear this as we value porn and the imagery that associates porn to quite an extent and are willing to fight for the continuation of porn over real physical intimacy with another person, but through living within this system of porn for a long time and not heeding the messages of the body I’ve brought consequences to myself that are certainly not worth the illusion. Through time and corrective application one is able to stop those images and thoughts that are presenting a false idea of what sexual attraction is and is able to actually explore oneself physically to see what one truly in fact likes and how the physical operates within/as sex without mental masturbation being a bridge towards sex/sexuality.
Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.