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Continuing from Part 1 with Self-Forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I cannot get it up without images stimulating a sexual arousal within me that I cannot masturbate without images which is only an excuse and justification to continue my relationship with porn and masturbationI forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the reason why it is difficult to masturbate without images is because I have told the body over time that I require images to stimulate a sexual arousal within me and that I have no use for the body’s natural sexual expression and therefore the body’s natural sexual expression has become defunct because I have decided within myself who I will be in relation to the body and sex and masturbation through the continual use of porn and images to excite the mind to then say that I want to masturbate now. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the body by deciding within the mind when/as it is time to masturbate simply because I am bored or I `have nothing else to do` wherein I then masturbate many times within one day only because I am accepting a thought that says I want to masturbate instead of listening to the body and what it is telling me about sex/masturbationI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and excuse my relationship to porn and masturbation by assuming that without porn or images or any external stimulus I won’t be able to find that sexual stimulus that provides the attraction that I have defined in relation to the ability to masturbateI forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, or understand that I have been abusing the body by masturbating to images and that I have been abusing the body by not being here with the body but up in the mind with the desires and emotions and feelings that generate a feelingsin relation to masturbation when in reality, when you take a look at the physical reality without any emotions or movements within the mind all that exists with masturbation is the physical body and selfI forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by masturbating to porn throughout time and by looking for more and more stimulus to get the mind excited with different varieties of porn and throughout time becoming more specific with what I am defining as what will excite me I am creating more and more of a separation between the body and me and more of a connection between myself and the mind resulting in a limited spectrum of sexual expression defined within/as the images/ideas that I have become more specific in which I say `excites me` or `gets me off` or `turns me on` , this results in limiting the body and mind within what will excite self when masturbating and thus when attempting to masturbate without porn it is going to be `difficult` because the body has not been supported with it’s natural expression within masturbation and only the increase in specificity of the ideas have been supported

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize or understand or see that it is going to take time to discover what the natural self expression of the body really is, and it is going to take time to remove the images and ideas that I have placed within the memory so that when I decide to explore the natural sexual expression the images and ideas do not come up thus I can be with the body here and explore myself in relation to it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself form the body through accepting myself to masturbate to porn and believe that only through porn, through images, through ideas that I will be able to masturbate, absolutely denying the physical body and how it operates, stating that I only need the mind to masturbate and create sexual arousal

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I masturbate from porn, what I am masturbating to is emotions and feelings regarding what I am watching and what I am thinking in relation to what I am watching and through compounding the emotional energy and the thought processes over time I separate myself further from the body which may result in not being able to masturbate solely on my own and may lead to impotence with a partner that I have because I have programmed the body to only respond to the emotions/ideas/thoughts that I have accepted and allowed from the mind while I am masturbating to porn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the body it’s natural sexual expression through masturbating to porn and stating/believing that I can only masturbate to images or porn, justifying why I do not want to let go of the addiction to porn and the emotions/feelings/thoughts that I create while masturbating to porn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that while I masturbate to porn and have thoughts or ideas about what is turning me on I am programming the body to only respond to those images or ideas in relation to sex/masturbation which will result in an absolute dependency upon porn to become aroused which is going to affect the physical relationships that I have and my ability to speak to women as that will be all that I see when/if I see a female

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that through masturbating to images/ideas/thoughts/porn over time that I am going to be dependent on those images/ideas/thoughts/porn in order for myself to express a point of sexual arousal; absolutely limiting myself in regards to self expression within sex/masturbation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my relationship to porn and masturbation through accepting the belief that I cannot masturbate without images/porn and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question why I cannot masturbate without images or arousal or thoughts stimulating emotions or stimulating lust

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when/if the time comes that I cannot masturbate without images that I have created a consequence wherein I am separate from the body and the understanding of the body in the natural sexual arousal of itself and that I have created a consequence that may not be possible to turn back from, and in this to realize that I have gone too far with my addiction and my acceptance of myself masturbating to porn/images/ideas/thoughts/emotions

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the shame of my actions resulting from masturbating to porn and act on that shame in relation to investigating the shame and what I have accepted from myself in relation to the relationship between myself and porn and sex/masturbation and women. From this see this shame of my actions and forgive myself while the shame is here for what I have accepted and allowed from myself in relation to masturbating to porn and the consequences that I have brought myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize/see/understand that if I continue my relationship to masturbating to porn I will be creating a life for myself that I would not in fact like to live and I am creating a life of hate and anger and frustration and depression and fear and insecurity because of the relationship I have allowed to the body and to the idea of the image of women

Continued in the next post

Porn Addicts Journey to Life is written by a Group of people who have all walked through Addiction to Porn, Sex and Masturbation through the tools shared by Desteni. We share our perspectives and experiences with Porn to Support those who are ready to take the next step to Stop the Addiction to Porn.

Who we are doesn’t matter because we’re the same as you. We write anonymously because of where the world is at today in relation to porn and because of the understanding and the persecution that follow porn addicts. We write anonymously so that we can share the unfiltered truth about life as a porn addict, so that it may assist and support those who are still trapped in the addiction to porn.

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